Sexualities

I've been doing some research lately on the way some people are treated, you know, the ones with a different sexual orientation than heterosexuality. I've been focusing most of my energy on bisexuality. My brief description of bisexuality is that it's a person, of either gender, that has a certain attraction to both genders, man and woman. Bisexuality is different then pansexuality. Pansexuals have a certain attraction to all genders, even if the other person does not neccessarily have a specific gender.

In my opinion, bisexuals deal with alot of insults and descrimination, as well as pansexuals, because people call bisexuals greedy, sluts, a gay/lesbian waiting to happen, confused and things far beyond just this. I think it's pathetic that society cannot accept this, that society dissagrees with the way people are born. I'm also against the fact that religion does not want to face people that have a different sexual orientation.

Through this research, I have also learned and noticed that it is near impossible to be 100% heterosexual. Everyone, at leats once, finds something attractive about the same gender in their life. It doesn't mean just because you think someone is pretty, you are automatically a bisexual, it's the fact that we will all find someone from the same gender attractive. We all falll along a spectrum and it's hard to know where we stand, as far as sexual orientation, but it naturally comes.

People that live in our society hate the lttle things about us unless they take tthe time to know us personally. One moment, you finally ahve the strenght to say: "I AM GAY/LESBIAN/BISEXUAL/TRANSGENDER/TRANSSEXUAL/PANSEXUAL!" and you become a mockery, a joke to all, someone to laugh about, even after you worked on building up the courage to come out and say it. People treat the ones that are true to themselves like they are worthless, like they have nothing to live for. Because one has a different sexual orientation, whether you are gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/transexual/pansexual or on and on and on, does not mean that you need or are forced to descriminate them and degrade them to zero. Nothing is ever worth that much.

The sad thing is, i believe that a lot of people fall in the tracks of mainstream bullshit, even the mainstream fairytales. All the fairytales I have read or people have read to me always involved on a boy/girl relationship. It was always heterosexual. It is like people are teaching children they are only alowed to be one thing and feel one thing: heterosexuality. I, for one, will not stand for it.

Mainstream music nowadays is mostly about a man wanting to have sex with a hot woman that has big breasts and a huge vagina. They talk about being horny and seeing that hot chick pump her butt out on the dance floor. They talk about how women are nothing but sex toys, the ones with sexy bikini bodies and those tanned legs, shaved as well as sun kissed. Where did all the meaningful music go, you know, the ones that talk about stuff like being lost as a person, being raped as well as scared, the people that need food to survive, where did that good music go? What did this world come to? LMFAO sings and talks about the dumbest things; getting drunk and then a girl stripping because he poured her a drink. I'm sorry, but LMFAO, do you think that's reality, that a girl will do that because you poured her a drink? It's nonsense, unless she is really drunk... Life is not revolved around heterosexual sex, life isn't even revolved around sex.

Reality TV shows don't help the human mind either because they teach us the gay stereotypes that are so pathetic. Not every homosexual man has a lisp, it's not all the homosexuals that hit on all of the same gender and it's not true that a homosexual cannot be happy. They are the sources and the core to why society treats homosexals and all the other sexualities other than heterosexuality like this. I blame media and the fact that our parents, our religion and our surroundings want to keep us away from the things that exist. We should not be afraid to face things that are reality.

I wish people would stop looking at the little things about us and concentrate on the fact that everyone is a good person, no matter what we like. Don't be afraid of homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, transgenders, trenssexuals and everything beyond, they will not hurt you or bite you.

And, for all that are afraid to admit their true sexuality instead of the sexuality that has been laid on us, confy to the ones you are closest to, be ttrue to yourself and say it to one person at a time. Don't be afraid to fully be yourself, to fully trust people and to fully live your life. Live with no regrets and remember:

"Your label is not your identity."

For my Best Friend...

Dear Spirit,

You may be gone, you may have no feathers left, you may feel lonely, and you may just miss me... I'm hoping you miss me because I love you and I can't fly anywhere without you... I need you to carry me and I need you to whisper in my ear once again. I hope that you're always beside me, on my shoulder, ready to remain with me no mattter what... Whether I make mistakes or whether I sin, I hope that you always have me with you...

I want you to reincarnate, to come by my side and be my one and only... I want to be with you forever... It's like there's nothing left to live for when you're gone. Everyone misses you because you were the best friend ever. You have  a strong force that pulled me toward you anytime I saw you...

Each time you were playing in your cage, force pulled me to come and see you... Anytime I did homework, I had to come and see you... Anytime I was just so lonely, I had to come and see you...

When you were alive, it's like my life had a meaning, like I was born for something... It's depressing that I lost you October 19th 2011, a night I had a huge project due and I had a teacher with no sympathy for my loss... He just made everything better (sarcasm)... And he wonders why I hate him?

You did everything for me, even if you just a green cheek conure that was 7-8 months old, you changed everything for me...

I'm happy taht I got to spend time with you the night before you passed and tat I got to hold you in my arms before I had to say goodbye... NO matter what I get now, nothing but my family, my friends and Tiny Bear mean to me as much as you meant to me... I lost you and now there is no other path to take... I pretend I can go on, but I can't... I'm still at the stage of tears all the time, whether they're physical or emotional... I try not to expose them... I hope that you can hold me when I die, that you'll never let go, that you'll never eave me, that you'll never say goodbye again... That no one will ever take you away again...

Spirit, I love you...

Merry Christmas...

From me and my tears...

The Nameless Sinner And The Angel Of Serenity

- - Sinning - -
You'll land on a rock, which most have titled as hell... The burning flames of insecurity willl wrap you to a branch of hot coal, ripping alll your skin off until you are a rotten corpse. A pitch fork willl be slashed through your body, taking grasp of your heart to pull it out and feed it to the deamons. Your soul willl be possesed by a monster named Satan, who willl then eat your eyes, your organs and all that is good of you, without showing anunce of mercy. A pitiless horn will be jabbed into your skull and infect alll that is possitive of your brain, making your an uncontrollable monster who will relive once again to harm and torture the ones you used to care  about. Last, but not least, your feet will be burried under crystal that willl cut through alll your skin, then lifting itself up to let you falll to the floor begging for a savior... But who willl save you?

- - Being an Angel - -

By listening to what you must do with yourself for others, you will grant yourself the wish of being on a cloud of serenity, being hugged by alll the instruments carved by a lonely craftsman with nothing better to do, the strings will hold you up, the wind will make your hair blow and the pounds of the drumsticks will keep you walking. You will become God's dancer and you will be able to do all that is great. Snow will stick to your skin and you willl not feel the cold. You can jump from the highest towr and still land on a soft cloud of security. Your wings will bloom friom your soul and you willl make impossible miracles happen. You will save fallen babies and cure uncurable diseases, you willl bring Christmas joy to the ones who never knew the meaning of happiness and you will you will provide a roof for the needy. They will alll hide under your wings and will grow up to do the same as you did.

The Lakeside

Imagine yourself, quietly sitting on a large, soft surfaced rock beside the water. You have a notebook on your lap and a push pen in your hand. You listen to the crashing of the waves, similar to your partners gentle loving voice, in front of your mouth, just about to kiss you softly, so in love... Watch the clouds roll by and forget everyone around you. Just be by yourself...

Write a paragraph of forgiveness and love, then rip the paper from your notebook and throw it in the blues. One day, someone else will pick it up, they will be confused how the paper stayed dry and read the words of beauty. They will understand you and write down something you will find in years on a piece of paper, theirs all wet and hard to read from. They cried and wrote about loss of loved ones.... You have sympathy and you find them and realise, your true love was the one who was alone and not the one with the cash...

Written by: Marie-Josee

The lead is everything

When you hold your writing pencil, don't you get this sensation of writing a sentence that has a story to tell? when you line up your fingers on the pencils' long neck, don't you feel like writing a paragraph that has a stoy to crush? When you erase with the end of your ppencil, don't you get the sensation of rewriting a life?

A  pencil has millions of stories to tell, all you need is to make it apart of your body and get your brain to send brain waves to it to create a story.

Life is like lead, light and sometimes dark, it leaves debrit and when you try to rub it off, it leaves a mark. You can try to erase it, but there is no way the mark will dissapear forever, there is always a little bit left, sometimes not visible by the naked eye. Lead breaks and so do we, we all have an end just like it. Sometimes, you sharpen the pencil so much, you have a stub left and nothing else...

Take a pencil and write a story, then erase a sentence and carefully look at the end result...

Random things that mean something

Here are little paragraphs I wrote about the me inside my soul

If the floor loved me, it would let me go, if the plants loved me, they would let me breathe the way I want to, if the sky loved me, the moon wouldn't try to steal my eye and show it to you, if you loved me, all like you claim, you would let me move on and u would stop following me...

Take a tear drop and form it into something beautiful...

 I may hate you, but that doesn't mean I don't love and miss you!

I turned my head to each side, noticed there's no one, I crossed to the other side of the street, and for some reason, clusters of dark clouds began to form, fast traffic started and I couldn't cross back, I had to learn to move on and continue my glorious, beautiful life.

The crecent moon of this night will cover my sun of this day. Everything will turn to darknesss and no one will live again. All will die and burn, so will I, because the sky will be too much for our eyes to bare. This world we live in will haunt you more than hell would and love you more than heaven will.

Darkness stole me and I came back, I can see the light again and finally touch the ground with dirt so soft. I am a better person now that I pulled thru. 

 If I could take your away your pain, I'd let you live on your own lane, If I could take away your suffering, I know one day you`ll see the stars clustering, If I could take away your tears, I would lose all my fears.

If darkness takes me, I will make sure to wash off some of the black paint to let the light shine in, even just a space and even for a small amount of time. But I've been taken over by similar darkness, but I always shine thru and do my best at everything and every challenge that comes my way!

Watashi ga shinu to omottanara, watashi wa sū-nen mae ga arudeshou (if i wanted to die, I would have years ago)

I want to be for someone else what Plumb was for me!!!

I could hear the rhythm within me because I was forgotten, unwanted

You helped my soul from being graspsed into the arms of depression and being locked in eternal shadows


You made my life a nightmare, one I couldn't wake up from. Now I woke up, can you be real and exist for real for once in ur damn life!

To get back to writing

I have noticed about myself a procrastination pattern. I can't seem to find time to write... EVER!!!! I love it, but in my mind, I feel like doing other things even if I end up doing nothing. I found myself a way to get back to writing and ignore the not-so important things we all ahve to do as humans. It's to shut out that little voice that's like: "You can go on your computer", "Something is good on TV and I don"t want to miss it" or " I'm going to lay down and play video games".

Step 1: Seclude yourself. Try to be away from other people. Other people are distractions when you want to be concentrated and make sure no one wants to talk to you during thta period of time.

Step 2: Sharpen your pencils, take off the caps of your pens or push down the ld from your push-pen and grab an eraser that's white enough (if you're using something wwith led).

Step 3: To set the mood of your writing moment, put on music thru a music player that suits the situation of what you're writing about. If singing helps, do it. (I like to listen to music and sing at the same time).

Step 4: Set a goal that's possible for the day. Either try and write a certain amount of pages or try to see how many pages you can write in a certain amount of time. Every day, increase your goal.

It's a way for motivation and you'll see, you will accomplish more than you'd expect.

Paws off my words!!!!

Today, I was writing in math class, and well, easy to think, my math teacher picks up my book and rips out my favorite page and into pieces about a guy finding his girlfriend dead in her bedroom after commiting suicide. He almost continued ripping pages but I said: "Please, don't, sir.", and he stopped.

This experience has tought me to keep a good eye on my work and to never let someone else get their hands on it. They might try to use your idea and get money for it, abuse it, get rid of it or never let you have it back.

I had experiences where close family members would take my work when I wasn't looking and have suspiscions that I'm writing about how I will be taken away and forced into prostitution to get money for my family. They thought I was hoping to lose all the money my family has and work on the street. I wouldn't do that. I ripped the page and never wrote about that again.

It just goes to show you, not everyone will support your writing and what you have to say, but giving up is stupid, so make sure you know where your story is at all times and make sure you know the person well before letting their paws touch it.

Writing is nothing but pouring your heart out of your soul and whipping it in someone else's mind

If you take writing as a chore, you'll hate it. Writing is a sweet way of expressing how much people or things mean to you. It's a different approach to analysing things and people. It helped me notice small details in movies, paintings, pictures and nature.

When I write my books, I can feel my character build with me, like in one of my stories I'm writing currently; Perry is growing from me. He's blooming from the pit of my stomach and it has permitted me to create a different format of life, a guy who doesn't know what to do with his life.

I feel,by writing words on paper, you're giving someone the ability to know what you're feeling, what things look like in your eyes and your perspective on different objects and what you see instead of what it is. It's like throwing up feelings and giving someone else what you just threw up, raw feelings uncarved and never polished.

Thank you for reading and I will write back very soon,
                                                                                           Marie-Josee